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Funny Quotes From The Hangover Biography
Phil Wenneck: Tracy, it's Phil.
Tracy Garner: Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, listen, uh... we fucked up.
Tracy Garner: What are you talking about?
Phil Wenneck: The bachelor party. The whole night. It's... Things got out of control and, uh... we lost Doug.
Tracy Garner: What?
Phil Wenneck: We can't find Doug.
Tracy Garner: What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in *five hours*.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah... that's not gonna happen.
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Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... no one's there. Check its collar or something.
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Alan Garner: Hey, Phil, look.
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenis.
Phil Wenneck: [laughs a little] Pull yourself together, bro.
Alan Garner: [stops the baby] Not at the table, Carlos.
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Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.
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Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!
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Black Doug: It's funny, 'cause just the other day, me and my boy, we was wonderin' why they even call 'em roofies. Y'know what I'm talkin' 'bout?
Stu Price: No. Don't know what you're talkin' 'bout.
Black Doug: Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name fo' 'em.
Alan Garner: Or how 'bout rapies?
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Phil Wenneck: [his answering machine message] Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.
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Stu Price: [while Alan adds pepper to the roofied steak] Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper.
Alan Garner: Tigers *love* pepper. They hate cinnamon.
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Phil Wenneck: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
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Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yells from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
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Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?
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Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.
[to himself]
Phil Wenneck: I should have been a fucking cop.
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Alan Garner: It was a real pleasure meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick.
Alan Garner: No, thank you.
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Stu Price: [playing piano and singing passionately] What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers,
[stops suddenly]
Stu Price: well then we're shit out of luck.
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Mr. Chow: You wanna fuck on me?
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Mr. Chow: [as he closes his car window slowly, his head trails the closing gap] Toodle-oo, motherfuckers.
[whoops like a native]
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Phil Wenneck: You're not really wearing that are you?
Alan Garner: Wearing what?
Phil Wenneck: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you guys just fuckin' with me?
Alan Garner: It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
Phil Wenneck: So does Joy Behar.
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Alan Garner: Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: I'm not getting a sig' on my beeper.
Lisa: I'm not sure.
Alan Garner: Is there a payphone bank? Buncha payphones? Business.
Lisa: Umm, there's a phone in your room...
Alan Garner: That'll work.
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Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.
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Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
[awkward laughter]
Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
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Sid Garner: Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Doug Billings: Understood.
Sid Garner: Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
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Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.
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Doug Billings: Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much.
Phil Wenneck: Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
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Stu Price: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!
Funny Quotes From The Hangover Biography
Phil Wenneck: Tracy, it's Phil.
Tracy Garner: Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, listen, uh... we fucked up.
Tracy Garner: What are you talking about?
Phil Wenneck: The bachelor party. The whole night. It's... Things got out of control and, uh... we lost Doug.
Tracy Garner: What?
Phil Wenneck: We can't find Doug.
Tracy Garner: What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in *five hours*.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah... that's not gonna happen.
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Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... no one's there. Check its collar or something.
Share this quote
Alan Garner: Hey, Phil, look.
[laughs hysterically while miming the baby masturbating]
Alan Garner: He's jackin' his little weenis.
Phil Wenneck: [laughs a little] Pull yourself together, bro.
Alan Garner: [stops the baby] Not at the table, Carlos.
Share this quote
Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.
Share this quote
Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!
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Black Doug: It's funny, 'cause just the other day, me and my boy, we was wonderin' why they even call 'em roofies. Y'know what I'm talkin' 'bout?
Stu Price: No. Don't know what you're talkin' 'bout.
Black Doug: Why not floories, right? 'Cause when you take 'em, you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. What about groundies? That's a good new name fo' 'em.
Alan Garner: Or how 'bout rapies?
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Phil Wenneck: [his answering machine message] Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don't, but do me a favor: don't text me, it's gay.
Share this quote
Stu Price: [while Alan adds pepper to the roofied steak] Why are you peppering the steak? You don't know if tigers like pepper.
Alan Garner: Tigers *love* pepper. They hate cinnamon.
Share this quote
Phil Wenneck: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
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Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.
Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.
Phil Wenneck: [yells from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!
Stu Price: I should go.
Melissa: That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
Share this quote
Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?
Share this quote
Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack.
[to himself]
Phil Wenneck: I should have been a fucking cop.
Share this quote
Alan Garner: It was a real pleasure meeting you.
Melissa: Fuck off!
Alan Garner: I'm thinking about getting my bartender's license.
Melissa: Suck my dick.
Alan Garner: No, thank you.
Share this quote
Stu Price: [playing piano and singing passionately] What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers,
[stops suddenly]
Stu Price: well then we're shit out of luck.
Share this quote
Mr. Chow: You wanna fuck on me?
Share this quote
Mr. Chow: [as he closes his car window slowly, his head trails the closing gap] Toodle-oo, motherfuckers.
[whoops like a native]
Share this quote
Phil Wenneck: You're not really wearing that are you?
Alan Garner: Wearing what?
Phil Wenneck: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that or are you guys just fuckin' with me?
Alan Garner: It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.
Phil Wenneck: So does Joy Behar.
Share this quote
Alan Garner: Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: I'm not getting a sig' on my beeper.
Lisa: I'm not sure.
Alan Garner: Is there a payphone bank? Buncha payphones? Business.
Lisa: Umm, there's a phone in your room...
Alan Garner: That'll work.
Share this quote
Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.
Share this quote
Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
[awkward laughter]
Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!
Share this quote
Sid Garner: Don't let Alan drive, because there's something wrong with him.
Doug Billings: Understood.
Sid Garner: Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
Share this quote
Stu Price: So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?
Alan Garner: What are you talking about? I've found a baby before.
Stu Price: You found a baby before? Where?
Alan Garner: Coffee Bean.
Share this quote
Doug Billings: Tracy did mention we shouldn't let him gamble. Or drink too much.
Phil Wenneck: Jesus, he's like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
Share this quote
Stu Price: I look like a nerdy hillbilly!
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
Funny Quotes From The Hangover
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